Quote Archive - 2007-20??

Here you can find all sorts of crazy quotes that Skelly has encountered throughout the years. Dating all the way back to 2005, these quotes forever define how funny people can be sometimes.

The Quote Archive is dedicated in loving memory of Stanford Mark Larsen, the first person to have a quote on this page and is the inspiration for this archive. Rest in Peace Stan, you will always be Stantastic.

Added 10/26/24:

"I thought you were going to say Bing has autism" --Stab

Added 9/25/20:

You don't say dumb s*** that makes me question your sanity, you say smart s*** that makes me question your sanity.--Tiff

Added 8/7/12:

"It sounds like 3 air conditioners and satan talking backwards."--Hudson

Added 5/28/12:

"You get a gold medal in the dumbass olympics!"--Al

Added 5/15/12:

"Women don't like assholes when they sound like they got punched in the face by a dumptruck"--Stab

Added 3/18/12:

Task Manager? More like "takes up too much of my CPU" manager!--Dan

Added 3/14/12:

Lindsay: So what do you do for work exactly?
Stab: 3D Printers
Lindsay: So, male prostitution?

Added 3/8/12:

Steve: this Pac Man game sucks, it provides no touch feedback.
Michelle: I'll give you some feedback: You suck!
Michelle: WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?
Steve: I can leave if you want to!
[What Michelle thought I said: "I AM THE FEET MASTER."]

Added 1/11/12:

Steve: Si se puede
Michelle: WHAT THE F**K DID YOU JUST CALL ME???

Added 1/8/12:

"What's the opposite of 11?"--Stab

Added 11/13/11:

"We always have too much pizza, too much milk, why can't we have too much money?"--Matt

Added 10/8/11:

"I could do homework, or I could solo queue"--Michelle

Added 9/25/11:

*Michelle playing Sonic 2 on computer*
Steve: Shouldn't you be doing homework?
Michelle: Shouldn't you be SHUTTING THE F*** UP?

Added 9/18/11:

"It's too late for anything to be open at this hour. It's officially "suck-a-dick-o'clock!"--Al

Added 8/29/11:

"Only the good die young, so act like a jackass and live forever!"--Erik

Added 7/22/11:

"Stab, the only secret of success for you in this game is to aim for the ball return!"--Poog, while bowling

Added 6/20/11:

“is 400 equal 20? That's quality English!” — Financial Accounting professor

Added 5/7/11:

"I LOVE NUTELLA!"--Michelle, randomly when seeing a commercial

Added 4/17/11:

"How did I go to 4chan and end up on the Hyundai website?"--Michelle

Added 4/16/11:

"Fun? Why are you asking me about fun? I'm loading the dishwasher and farting." --Al

Added 3/29/11:

"Oh f**k this man, just went into the mini-fridge downstairs, guess what happened? a can of coke zero exploded from freezing"--Stab

Added 2/4/11:

"Everybody knows that the best thing to do when you're not feeling well is to get smashed."--Michelle

Added 1/22/11:

GetLute: i'd join, but i'm busy downloading massive amounts of porn GetLute: need to preserve precious bandwith

Added 12/7/10:

Steve: *On amazon.com* Come on Rock Band 3. Get down to $35 so I can use my gift card and get you for free.
Lauren: OR, you could just give me your gift card, and you wouldn't have to worry about it!

Added 11/30/10:

"THI$ ME$$AGE WILL BE $HORT, $WEET AND LOADED WITH $$$, JU$T LIKE ME:" --Owen

Added 11/12/10:

"and now i can download this shitty music, and it'll be high quality shitty music"--Stab

Added 10/21/10:

"The moral of the story is dating is about the same as playing Red Steel, it doesn't matter what you do, the game is still defective"--Stab

Added 9/11/10:

"lol i'll have to have the uncle stab booze talk with him" --Stab

Added 8/31/10:

"You are a god. no wait, better than a god. you are god's god." --Jackie L

Added 8/23/10:

On the 2004 Annapolis trip in the middle of the night:
*Low flying airplane overhead*
*Rich Wakes up* "OH MY GOD WE'RE BEING BOMBED!" *ducks under chair*
Steve: Rich, this is Baltimore, not Baghdad. You're fine.
"Go big or go home? I say go moderately sized and camp out somewhere in between"--Stab
"Learning piano isn't that hard, especially for college kids. The C cord is CEG, see? it's like keg, but with a C."--Stab

Added 8/16/10:

Comcast support: Ok, we need you to turn the computer back on
Dan: Ok, I'm doing it now *knocks over drink on desk*
Matt: OH F**K!
Comcast support: *laughing* Is everything alright?
Dan: Yeah, yeah. We're fine.

Added 8/15/10:

"Extra Small, I could fit a boob into this, that's about it."--Xtie

Added 7/4/10:

"*reading the word "unisex" "You and I sex? That's my favorite kind!"--Tracy

Added 6/19/10:

"Blackboard has some features that's similar to attaching a rake to a pocket knife: just because you can, doesn't mean you should."--Known, but Anonymous

Added 6/5/10:

(Lecturing on the Gulf War) And then Bush went ahead and gave the word to the military: "You may fire when CNN is ready."--K. Dorsey
Skelly: So are we gonna see Rush in Boston?
Stab: Yeah definitely.
Woman at table next to us at Friendly's: WHOA! You guys are gonna see Rush Limbaugh? I thought you were too young to like him!

Added 5/28/10:

"I almost just got crushed by an avalanche of 120 printers"--Matt H

Added 5/17/10:

"Sometimes when I am really bored, I like to count morbidly obese people... 6."--Kunaal

Added 3/19/10:

"I got a MASHLOAD of Ass-Potatoes!"--Stab

Added 3/18/10:

"I put my balls in my mouth once. *looks out window* It was what I expected." --Dan A

Added 3/14/10:

"You diesel huffin' sack of s**t!"--Vikas

Added 2/16/10:

Cathie: Hey those look like the ice pellets they spray on the ground to melt the ice! Skelly: You mean salt?

Added 2/15/10:

"When you're driving a car on cocaine you're usually going 70 miles per hour trying to talk to the upholstery. When you're driving a car on acid you're usually going 100 miles per hour trying to EAT the upholstery!"--Unknown

Added 2/11/10:

"I need something larger than caps lock"--Cathie

Added 1/20/10:

"No man i have an automatic, how am i supposed to drink and drive with a standard shift?"--Dise

Added 10/22/09:

Steve: You know what I hate? I hate it when people stand in line and can't decide what they want when they get there and hold everyone up.
Poog: Wow, that was kind of random, blind rage much?
Steve: (points to Matt) You're ugly!

Added 10/21/09:

Guthrie: We can be a religiously diverse student organization! I'm Jewish!
Alex: And I'm Catholic!
Dave: And I'm diabetic!

Added 10/17/09:

Steve A: We're gonna have to put some people in your room tonight, there's just too many here.
Dan: My room?? But I'm gonna have sex in my room!
"Is that a woman, or a bookshelf?"--Stab, attempting to identify a girl from a 3rd story window
Steve A: That over there is TDH, also known as The Drinking House.
Michelle: Wait, what's it called? The Twinkie House??!?!??? (is excited)
Steve A: [Previous conversation about ITT Tech] F**k ITT Tech
Steve K: What about ITT Tech?
Steve A: F**k it.

Added 10/3/09:

"WHOA! Damnit Larry Bop-it!"--Random Drunk guy outside dorm

Added 9/26/09:

"Women are soul murderers. Any murder that's ever happened, you could probably trace it back to a woman. They're like a light at the end of the tunnel, except it's a woman holding a flashlight...attached to an assault rifle."--Jeremy
"WHY'S THE SUN SO F**KING BRIGHT??!?!?"--Stab, driving directly into the sun at 5pm

Added 9/17/09:

"i had just about the worst day of my lufe"--Cathie

Added 9/14/09:

F**K!!!! i think my calculations were off. i dont think my project will make it thru door ways when fully assembled. wat to do?IN THE ATTIC THINKING =) --Dan A

Added 9/11/09:

Poog: Stop being drunk!
Matt: I'm not drunk!
Poog: Stop being high!
Matt: You're gonna dead!.....I mean, die!

Added 9/9/09:

Matt: Say a genitalia.
Cathie: Boobs!
"I might not know what I'm talking about, but you don't understand anyway."--Cathie

Added on 8/15/09:

Stab: I'm working again tomorrow
Brad: I'm writing articles for my town's newspaper tomorrow
Stab: Wait, you're having downs syndrome tomorrow???
Brad: .....
"So I discovered something: ihop upside down is "d'oh!"--Steve K

Added on 6/25/09:

"You don't know what DVD stands for? It stands for Digital Video, Dumbass!"--Stab
Joe: You're slacking! I told you to bring a pizza over a while ago!
DJ: I'm not slacking!
Joe: Why does it take 22 minutes to cook a pizza then?
Steve: Well, you see, it spends 7 minutes on the oven belt, then 15 minutes in the trash can!

Added on 6/4/09:

"If I had 900 bucks, I'd have zero bucks!"--Stab

Added on 5/4/09:

We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
and I ate your cat.--Matt H

Added on 3/29/09:

"Story of my life: checkpoint, off the edge, yay."--Vickie playing Marble Blast

Added on 3/27/09:

"Thoughts are like raindrops, they come and go, and they can suddenly appear out of nowhere then be gone."--Vickie

Added on 3/22/09:

*watching a game of Pokemon Collesseum*
Cam: WTF are we watching, fighting vegetables?
Matt: Would it make you happier if we were fighting kids with terminal cancer?
Cam: Yeah.

Added on 3/16/09:

Matt: FEMALES ARE NUTTY
Matt: point, fact, case, verdict, trial, and guilty
Skelly: execution too
Skelly: then retrial, then appeal, then waiting, then delay
Matt: then, f it all, firing squad

Added 2/22/09:

"Don't you wish women came in a formattable format?"--Matt H
Poog: I have a miniSD card, but I lost the...card...thing..
Skelly: You mean the miniSD to SD adapter?
Matt: Wait, the what? the SDTomatoSteve?
Skelly: WTF? I said miniSD to SD adapter.
Matt: Wow.....I'm deaf
"See, this is why nobody causes me problems, all those people who caused me problems are dead!"--Matt H
"I'll do it when I'm a little less more sober"--Sam G

Added on 1/27/09:

"Hey Skelly! I made your whiteboard better by replacing all the happy things on it with weapons!"--Michelle

Added on 1/23/09:

Erin: The music of the lyrics is so redundant!
Steve: "Music of the Lyrics...?" Don't you mean the melody?
Erin: Oh.

Added on 12/26/08:

"I have ADOS: Attention Deficit Oh Shiny! Cathie has ADAP: Attention Deficit Awwwww Puppy!"--Vickie

Added on 12/19/08:

"The current temperature is negative 20 degrees farenheit outside with a wind chill of about 50, so it basically feels like negative 70. Don't pee." --Matt H

Added on 11/10/08:

"Why don't we just gofter.....why don't we just go aftermuhahv, F**K SPEAKING!" --Matt H
"I don't care! Your opinion don't matter, 'cuz I'm a woman!" --Erin

Added on 9/14/08:

"It's ok, I've known Glenn long enough that I can trust him with that.....HEY! GIVE ME BACK MY MONEY!" --Katie R

Added on 6/30/08:

Very old quotes, recently rediscovered from an old AIM file:

"Those jackass drivers won't hit us unless the drivers are drunk!"--Poog
" *singing* Out the window, the window, the second story window."--Dan A throwing things out a window
"I want to say something stupid so you can put it in ur profile"--Richard F
"How many swords can a sword chuck chuck if a sword chuck could chuck swords?"--Garreth M
"karmatise me, kap'n"--Stab

Added on 4/23/08:

*gasp* "We're staying in a hotel! We have Pay-Per-View! I'm 18! We can watch Shrek!"--Shaun M

Added on 3/24/08:

"Congratulations, the class loves you. You've managed to sway the conversation so far off topic we can never get back. You deserve a round of applause. *class claps, Steve Overko stands up* Oh look, you got a standing Overko!"--Mr. Ouellette

Added on 3/16/08:

"Yeah!!!! 20,000 fans, but only 25 bucks!!"--Vikas after playing a successful Rock Band show
Steve A: my web connection hates me
Steve K: it hates you too
Steve K: o wait
Steve A: haha

Added on 2/24/08:

"You know, I want to get a job as a guy in a hot dog suit. I'd be all *strokes beard* 'hmmm.' And there would be the occasional moments when I'd be in the hot dog suit and I'd be like 'I forgot my flyers!' "--Tom D

Added on 2/21/08:

"I'm a mango! I live in trees." --Tom D

Added on 2/2/08:

"Coming up next on Fox: America's Funniest Home Fires!"--Poog

Added on 1/15/08:

Steve: I hate north, it's like a cave.
John R: It's like a prison!
Steve: Yeah, when you look up, you see people hanging from the ceiling in cages.
John R: Yeah, you ask the principal, he's just like "they were always there"
Steve: The principal goes "He was suspended."

Added on 1/03/08:

*freshman pokes AJ's tattoo*
*AJ screams violently*
AJ: I outta toss you through a wall!!!!!
*another freshman approaches*
AJ: If you do, I swear I'll put your head through that cabinet!

Added on 12/19/07:

Mr. O: I can't get the player to skip through scenes.
Steve: Have you tried turning it off and on again?
Mr. O: *sigh* Yes, I tried that.
Steve: Hey I'm just providing general IT advice.
Mr. O: It's a DVD!

Added on 11/9/07:

Samita: Where is he??? We're leaving in 5 minutes!
Peaches: Samita, I am going to set you on FIRE if you don't STOP COMPLAINING!!!!!!

Added on 10/13/07:

"I'm a terrorist, I bombed that Test!"--Poog

Added on 9/28/07:

*Miguel makes "I love Halo 3" MSPaint Drawing*
Curtis: You know what we should do? We should....
Mr. Ouellette: No.

Added on 9/24/07:

"I meet the criteria of an IT person: I use a computer every day."--Dan's dad
Stanford Larsen's appearance on Steve's Site (from the now-defunct guestbook page):